We carry those we lose with us our entire lives. They stay with us like a chain hanging around our necks, shackled together with a feeling of responsibility and unanswered questions. They linger in our thoughts and they cripple us with their absence. But we can’t be held down by them forever. They’re with us, but instead of carrying them, we have to learn to let them walk beside us, otherwise, one day, they’ll only drag us down low enough to make us want to join them.
The gold you gave me
As it turns out was only
A chocolate coin.
What? Just be friends? Just be friends with you? After everything, everything we’ve fucking been through? You lead me on for months and now you just want to be friends. I told my fucking parents about you. My friends ask about you all the time. I think about you all the time. I’ve thought about what our future would be like together, where we’d get married, if we’d get married, what our kids would be like, where we would live. Sometimes I start conversations purposely so someone will mention you, just so I can talk about. I have pictures of you up on my wall. I have pictures of us up on my wall. Every time I think about seeing you my heart pounds so hard I think it might actually break out of my chest. When I’m somewhere I think you might be I look for you everywhere. I make up excuses to walk into where you work on the off chance you’re in. And when you are I buy things I don’t need. I wait up online for you to sign in. You’ve been to my house. When you touch me my knees get so weak I can barely support myself. After everything you’ve told me, everything you’ve said, everything you made me feel for you, everything you made me believe, now you just want to be friends? It’s really that easy for you, that after everything, you just want to be friends with me? No. no that is not fucking cool. It isn’t.
Yeah, that’s cool.
Like sunshine and starlight, she shone. And he swore that if he stared at her long enough, he would go blind. But he knew she could not see what he saw. He knew that when she gazed briefly into the bathroom mirror, or accidentally made eye contact with her own reflection while rushing past a particularly clean shop window, that all she saw was darkness. All she saw were the broken shards of herself, dancing around and cutting her up from the inside, mocking her. She saw a body filled with shadows, a caged monster trying to claw it’s way out of captivity, getting closer and closer to achieving its freedom every passing minute of the day. Where he saw Heaven, she saw Hell.
My uncle has these magic sticks
He tells me they make clouds
I tell all my friends and whomever I meet
It makes me feel so proud
He just puts the sticks up to his lips
Breathes them in and then breathes out
And before my eyes up to the skies
White puffs start to fly about
He’s my hero, I tell him, he’s my hero!
As I give him a kiss
I’m just so lucky! For who else’s uncle
Can do something amazing like this?
My uncle has these magic sticks
He told me they make clouds
I told all my friends and whomever I met
It made me feel so proud
But my mum tells me that these magic sticks
Have made my uncle very sick
Then she tells me that making clouds
Is not something that should make me proud
She tells me its actually a silly thing
For somebody, anybody to do
And that my uncle tried to make so many
His lungs turned black, from blue.
My uncle had these magic sticks
And they made him very ill.
So now I tell,
All my friends,
And whomever I meet,
That making clouds can kill.
He looked at me and smiled, but I saw a touch of sadness hidden in his eyes.
“What’s the matter?” I asked him, and after a while he replied:
“Sometimes, I wish I could make you laugh as much as the others do.”
I thought about this for a minute, then I took his hand and I told him;
“All my life people have made me laugh. I laugh so easily, I pretty much laugh at everything. Laughing has never been hard for me. To me, laughter is like breathing. But do you know what I’ve never found easy? Love. Loving, and being loved, is something I’ve always found extremely hard to do. All my life it’s been a struggle for me to love. But you, you’ve changed that for me. Because of you, I love as easily as I laugh. So all those people in my life who have made me laugh, they have given me silver. But you, because you helped me love, you have given me gold.”