The Toy

I was your shiny new toy

You looked at me everyday

Through a window

Longing to hold me

And to have me

To own me

So I could be yours, and so yours only

But I was reserved for another

At the time

Yet still you’d visit me

In front of the glass

Daily

And everyday you’d talk to me

Hopefully, persistently

Until finally I ventured

From behind my window

Cautiously

No longer reserved for another

But you’d wanted me before

And I had watched you also, for many years

So you waited

As I placed myself on a shelf

And again you found me

You told me why you deserved me

Why I should become part of your collection

And at last I was yours

Your shiny new toy

Part of your collection

You held me

You had me

You owned me

And I was yours to play with

And played with me you did

We played

And played

Until one day

You no longer wanted to play

And you found another toy

Because I wasn’t so shiny anymore

So you threw me aside

with the rest of your collection

Too old and scuffed

To go back on a shelf

Or back behind a window

So I was left on a pile

with other relics of desire

That had been forgotten

And I understood

I’d never be wanted by you again.

 

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“I think we should just, y’know, be friends. Is that cool?”

Inside:

What? Just be friends? Just be friends with you? After everything, everything we’ve fucking been through? You lead me on for months and now you just want to be friends. I told my fucking parents about you. My friends ask about you all the time. I think about you all the time. I’ve thought about what our future would be like together, where we’d get married, if we’d get married, what our kids would be like, where we would live. Sometimes I start conversations purposely so someone will mention you, just so I can talk about. I have pictures of you up on my wall. I have pictures of us up on my wall. Every time I think about seeing you my heart pounds so hard I think it might actually break out of my chest. When I’m somewhere I think you might be I look for you everywhere. I make up excuses to walk into where you work on the off chance you’re in. And when you are I buy things I don’t need. I wait up online for you to sign in. You’ve been to my house. When you touch me my knees get so weak I can barely support myself. After everything you’ve told me, everything you’ve said, everything you made me feel for you, everything you made me believe, now you just want to be friends? It’s really that easy for you, that after everything, you just want to be friends with me? No. no that is not fucking cool. It isn’t.

Outside:

Yeah, that’s cool.

Sunshine & Starlight

Like sunshine and starlight, she shone. And he swore that if he stared at her long enough, he would go blind. But he knew she could not see what he saw. He knew that when she gazed briefly into the bathroom mirror, or accidentally made eye contact with her own reflection while rushing past a particularly clean shop window, that all she saw was darkness. All she saw were the broken shards of herself, dancing around and cutting her up from the inside, mocking her. She saw a body filled with shadows, a caged monster trying to claw it’s way out of captivity, getting closer and closer to achieving its freedom every passing minute of the day. Where he saw Heaven, she saw Hell.